Not a good day...

Today I'm definitively not feeling well....not physically (although I've had horrible cramps along the day), but mentally...emotionally...

I think it's probably a hormone disorder, due to my recently arrived period, but that doesn't make this feeling go away.

I know I've talked about this MANY times, but I really can't stop thinking about babies, infertility and everything related....

I got so angry today (internally, I didn't show it), because we got together with 2 friends to have lunch, and one of them was talking about the possibility that her husband goes to study an MBA in Spain, of course with her and their 2 kids. That's not a problem, what pissed me off was that she was all troubled because this 2-years-in-spain were messing her "3rd baby plan"....I don't know how to explain it, but the thing is I get the idea she's talking about "things", not babies, because she's like "if I start trying now, I won't have maternity leave covered, because I just entered the system (chilean things)", "but if I wait too long, I will have the baby far away"....OK, there's no problem she thinks that way, I would think about that stuff too...but when I suggested that maybe it wasn't that important to follow her "family plan" so strictly, that maybe she could wait a little longer to get pregnant so she could have her baby when she gets back, and she was like "NOOOO I don't want to wait that long, we (her husband and her) have all planned that our babies MUST have little difference between them, so whatever it takes, I will have my 3rd baby "on schedule"".....I mean COME ON!!!!! She doesn't care to be in a strange country, with 2 little kids AND a baby, it doesn't matter ANYTHING but "to be on schedule"....

And you know what's the worst thing of all? Finally EVERYTHING turns out for her JUST as she planned!! I don't know how she does it! Maybe I'm just jealous, I don't know...but it really made me sad, because it made me think "wow, she worries about being on schedule....I just wish I could HAVE a baby...one baby!!"....

I'm sorry, I think I'm not expressing very well, I'm really bitter today...finally my point is, I've learned so many times that you can't plan your life so accurately, finally God has the last word, and you have to be humble enough to accept that you can't control everything. I've had a hard time accepting this, so then comes my friend talking about her "planning", when I can't even plan my ovulation date!!! You know what I mean don't you??

OK, I have to go now to get my new car!! (:D) so I hope my mood gets better tomorrow!

See you!!