Obvious

As much as I decided to avoid worrying about TTC and all, I can't help but get angry this time of the month. Which one you might ask? The time when, as always, evidence hits me in the face, that I didn't get pregnant.

See, today I'm on CD 29, no menses yet. You might think "wow! how comes she haven't tested yet!!". Well, truth is, I'd decided to wait at least until CD 32, because that's my longest cycle ever recorded, and considering it's been so cold lately, I kind of KNEW my period would come in a little late.

But of course, today I started to think "what if?" but then "no way"...you know that kind of self Q&A you make...well, but then I decided that as we have to go to the drugstore anyway to buy E's stomach medicine, I would also buy a HPT, because we're going out with some friends tonight and better know that I can drink safely. LOL....

And then, as ALWAYS, I go to the bathroom and there they are, those stupid f*ing spots...not spots, but first AF signs...curious thing (WARNING! TMI here!), I hadn't got ANY of those, until I went to the "long" bathroom (you know what I mean). Historically (or at least for the past few years), before getting my period, going to the "long" bathroom is the most accurate proof, because it always always mean I will get those spots or I don't know how to call them. They're only when I wipe, and only after "long bathrooms", but there they were...

So any tiny hope I could have had, it's gone now, and it really pisses me off, even though I was pretty prepared this time. Well, I think I will never be enough prepared to receive that bad news. As the saying goes "hope is the last thing you loose" (I don't know how it is exactly in english)....so with the evidence, frustration comes along...

I'm really upset right now, that's the truth....

Well, as I told you before, I'm really really losing my faith in all this...I can't picture myself pregnant anymore, I think it will never come!!!

Sorry, must be PMS....