PMS?
I'm having a really bad day today. I'm feeling sad, mad, depressed, every single negative feeling is here with me today.
Last night I took a test. OF COURSE it was negative, I don't know why I even bothered. OK; stupid me should have waited a little longer, but was in an anxiety stage that didn't let me think clearly.
Thing is, that stupid test started a pretty rough discussion with E, because he doesn't like me being so obsessed with this whole TTC, and well anyway we worked it out, but today I'm feeling really really depressed.
Not that much for the negative result, in fact, E words although a little direct and even hurtful, had a lot of truth, so I decided to relax a little with babies, at least as to avoid E getting so tense. Doing it for him is easier.
But, and probably due to PMS, I'm really sensitive, you know when someone says "stupid computer" and you're like "why did you call ME stupid"....anyway, I'm feeling the most unvaluable person in the world right now, I think E made a huge mistake marrying me, that is the kind of thoughts that are in my mind right now.
Actually I think I may be a little (unbased) jealous, because we have this group mail and everybody makes such fun comments, and mine are so dull and un-fun, and there's a friend (girl) who is so cool, she works in an economic institute, writes very high-level letters in the newspaper, has an economy master, etc, and I think E could be much better with someone like her, who doesn't have this stupid complex-insecure thinking I have and all.
But if I tell him I'm jealous (I insist, he hasn't shown any signs that he might be interested in her, but objectively I think he would've been happier with someone like her), he feels bad (I did tell him last week) and stops participating and being nice to them, just because he doesn't want me to be sad, and he isn't that sociable, so I like he feels so comfortable with them and I don't want him to be "repressed" because of my stupid jealousy.
I think I'm not being very coherent or even realistic, but I really feel like crying right now, that's why I think I'm getting my period very very soon.
posted by Josefina @ 5:17 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Damn sorry to hear the test was not what you wanted. Take it easy the next few days and do some pampering for yourself. It's ok to be angry, depressed etc. It's normal. *hug*
After almost 10 years of marriage, J and I continue to have conversations about whether we wouldn't be better off with one of our former aquaintances. I think that's a normal part of life and the stress of TTC doesn't help at all. For me personally, I keep most of the details of TTC to myself. J has no idea when I take various tests or what the results are or if I'm waiting to take a pregnancy test or whatever. I don't even really tell him when it's time to do the deed. For us, that works better. You'll figure it out over time. In the meantime, hope you have a great weekend!
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