Hope-less...

I'm reaching that part of the month (cycle speaking) when I just KNOW I won't turn out to be pregnant when testing day comes. Sometimes it's because of evident PMS signs, sometimes it's just that I can't really imagine getting a BFP again one day. Yes. Sometimes I get pretty hopeless....

Today the defining thing was my temp. It was very low, so I took it again, thinking I must had taken it wrong, and although it climbed up a little, it was just above coverline, I mean 0.12 ºC above.

So of course my first thought: damn it, period is just around the corner. Second thought: but well, I'm on 11 dpo, I shouldn't be getting it yet. Third thought: of course there is a problem with my left/right (I don't know which) ovary that it's making me have irregular menses (because these "problems" come every other period). Fourth thought: that f*ing "miome" has sure grown enough to make me have fertility issues. Fifth thought (thanks to FF and TMI in general), maybe I am indeed pregnant and this is the "implantation dip" (although it'd be a little late for implantation). Sixth though: this sucks.

So, as you can see, I'm not in the best of moods today. Of course I think now, this should probably be PMS!!! Irritability, sensible, and all that crap...

Anyway, I'm thinking I will change my GYN appt, I don't think I can wait until june 21st to know what's going on with me (if there's something going on! most probably not, but not knowing is making me too anxious).

As stupid as it may sound, along with these "depressed" thoughts, I still have a little hope. For example, last night I suddenly woke up with my throat really really sore. It was like I couldn't swallow without feeling an intense pain (I'm pretty sure it was not that intense, but half-asleep, things seem a lot worse), and then, in the middle of my sore throat, I started to feel a little nauseous (not dizzy, just "throw up" sensation), but I thought it was because of the great coughing urge I had. But then this morning I had the sensation again, and my throat didn't sore a bit. So of course the "magical thinking" hit me: maybe I'm pg!

Then again, I remember last night I ate a creamy dessert (I went out with a friend), and cream always makes me feel nauseous the next day, so that must be it.

I'm really starting to hate mother nature. Why is it that you are fertile for just 24 hours!! 72 considering sperms' duration. And then, why is it that you have to wait 2 entire weeks to know if you're pregnant!!! I'm really not satisfied with these timings, that's the truth....

Well, I'll let you know when AF shows (I've already figured out what AF means, I think, although I don't know what the A and F stands for??)...