Increasingly nervous

Ok, I'm like 36 hours away from my trip, and I'm starting to get REALLY REALLY nervous, I'm like 90% of the time thinking about that, trying to think about next week without the "IF I come back safe" part...but it's getting more and more difficult...I'm having horrible thoughts, imagining the worst things, and that's been going on all day.

I really think I would be relieved if something prevented me from going (something like for example a terrible last minute flu, or something like that), but then again I feel horrible to be so stupid, instead of being happy and looking forward to something that for most of humans is absoulte fun, here I am, feeling like crap....

And being my birthday tomorrow, isn't helping a bit!!!!

I think I'm starting to be really monothematic on these, but I can't help it, it's like I need so badly to put this thoughts here, because when I talk about them, they sound so irrational that I can calm down for a while.

I think I'd rather be waiting for 2 ww, I mean, YES I'd definitively prefer that, but that's another thing I have a hard time waiting for it to come.

Please, please, please think of me and pray or cross your fingers that everything will turn out just fine!!!!!