Panic attack and Beta #1

I couldn't wait til tomorrow to write (normally I only write from my office), because I have my first Beta result:

3,528.7 at 20 dpo

Of course I already checked everywhere I could and even though it's within normal ranges, it's still a little high...but well that's another story.

You may think, how is it that she's writing on a sunday to tell us about her results...thing is, yesterday I (on my numerous trips to the bathrooms) detected a somewhat darker CM, like bright yellow, I could even say a little orange-pink...but mostly yellow.

This was just before leaving MIL's house, so all the way back I couldn't stop crying, thinking things were going to go wrong again. I know, stupid, paranoid and overreacting...but I couldn't help myself.

So well, after a long talk with E (who was VERY patient), I calmed down and went to sleep, only to wake up today thinking that I'd be better off knowing what was really going on inside me...so there we went to the clinic, paying like 50% more than the regular price (although we can get something back after the doctor give us an order)...and in the afternoon, after coming back from my mom's house, we picked it up...

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw THAT big number..I was expecting something more like 800 - 1,000...so my first comment "upss...could this may mean an ectopic pregnancy"...E really didn't allow me to say more, he couldn't believe I was worrying again after I had taken the test and it had come back within normal ranges...

So, I think I'm a little calmer right now...we still haven't told anyone!! (just blogland!)I would have told my mom already, but E has the idea that telling too soon, if something happens too soon, would generate comments like "well, it was pretty soon, that happens all the time"...like minimizing the problem...I don't agree with him a bit, but given the circumstances, I can well wait a couple days more as to avoid getting some "told you so" comments from him if something happens....see? we're both VERY paranoid and almost like waiting to receive (see) bad news...

I know a lot of you have gone through this, so I know we're not alone in this, but still, I think these are not going to be easy months...

I feel that if I start to relax or be happier, or think about the future (baby names, nursery room, labor, etc), I will jinx the whole thing and afterwards I would most regret having thought about so many things without having anything for sure...am I making any sense here?

Anyway, it's been a rough weekend. Friday we went out for dinner and as I was chewing some meat, I bit a tiny bone that was in the meat, and I think I broke a tooth...I'm not sure but it hurts a lot....Then, I've had this "thing" in my throat that has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now, it's like I had a "hair" or something stuck in the back of the mouth...it's only on one side, and well I have a flu coming down, so it's probably that but I've been worrying like hell thinking it must be something very complicated if it hasn't go by now...so I'm going to the ear-throat doctor (how do you call those? otorrinus?) tomorrow...and to the dentist hopefully tomorrow also..I'm panicking about anestesia and antibiotics or who knows what...of course I will tell the dentist about my pregnancy (I hate to tell the dentist first than anyone!)...

Then, to top the weekend, I woke up today with this huge stomachache-diarrhea...not very nice...but at least I hope my bloating has decreased a little...and well, having an afternoon with the proggresively more annoying SIL can get anyone in a bad mood!!

To sum up:
Tomorrow morning: dentist (I hope, if not I made an appointment in the clinic for tuesday 9 am)
Tomorrow lunchtime: ear doctor (I hope I don't have some tumor or something..!!)
Tuesday 3 pm: OB/Gyn and hopefully Beta nº 2.

So it will be a very medical week, but I think after I have the three diagnosis (throat, dentist, pregnancy) I will finally relax!! (or maybe find something else to worry about!! LOL)...

Thanks for your patience! I feel like totally crazy and cranky....