Tests panic

I think this is going to be a looong period of my life.

As I told you, yesterday I went to the doctor, and of course he ordered me a lot of tests (or exams) to do...and now I'm freaking out for the HIV test! Can you believe it? I mean, how could someone be THAT hypocondriac!...but I can't help it....

See, there was this one time I had sex with a guy I met on a cruise...in fact, it was my first time (not feeling proud about it!), and it sucked, the guy was so drunk he like fell asleep in the middle (I can't believe I'm telling you this)...anyway, that was a long time ago...well, and there was another guy in that cruise with whom I had oral sex (he had in fact)....so there you go....that's where my fears come from....you may think, why didn't I made the test before..? chicken...and also because I reaaally deep inside know I'm overreacting....but there's so many stories I've read....that I'm really afraid....or paranoid-ly afraid....

Well, the results come back friday am, but I'm scared that someone will call me from the lab...I've heard that when there are bad news, they call you (which personally I think is the worst strategy, I mean, you may be in the middle of a meeting and the nurse call you to tell you THAT?? come on!), so every time the phone rings I jump a mile....

E can't believe I'm worried about that, he's really nervous about the second beta that comes out this afternoon, but really, I'm not worried (LOL!)...I'm so focused on that other test, I really don't care about the HCG...not that I don't care, but I'm sure it will come alright...I can't believe I am saying that, but well, at least having this panic attacks are being very useful to minimize pregnancy anxiety!!!

I know I'm a little crazy, I know rationally that everything's going to be ok, but I have this constant heartburn that's killing me...it's just like when I had to take that plane, I couldn't stop thinking about that...you know? Chances that I'm VIH positive are as high as the chances that that plane had crashed...but there I was, freaking out...

Well, at least I'm aware it's a mental problem I have, I know I have these symptoms whenever things I can't control are coming....I don't know the disease...control freak? maniac-depressive? obssesive-compulsive? Uncertainty-phobia? Whatever, the thing is I will relax only after friday morning...LOL, it's funny because I know I've said things like this A LOT, like "after I take the first beta, I will relax", "after I land back safe and sound, I will relax", but there's always a new worry that prevents me from relaxing completely....

I've read in many of your blogs something like "type A" personality...I'm sure I'm that, even not knowing exactly what it means....anybody knows???

Ok, enough for now...I'll keep you posted!!