Update Beta #2

Ok, I already went to pick up the first set of tests. I'll try to translate the names, but I think it's going to be a little difficult.

First of all, the most important:

Beta #2: 8,496.1 at 23 dpo
(Beta #1: 3258.7 at 20 dp)

According to this page I "stole" from K. , doubling time was 49.19 hours (the first one was taken at 1 pm and the second one at 9 am, so it's a little less than 3 days...for maniacs like me, those differences are crucial!), so I'm right on track!! On that same page, I noticed that doubling times tend to be greater as beta numbers are growing...I mean, for 23 dpo, the average doubling time is 48.78 hours, for 22 dpo it's something like 44 hours, and so on, so it's perfectly reasonable (I must admit I remembered your numbers K, Hoping, BBC, and I remembered something more like 33 hours...!! But I think it was sooner in your pregnancies! LOL...)

Other tests:
TSH (thyroid): normal
VDRL (I just looked for it and it's to detect sifilis): non reactive (I suppose that means negative!)
biochemical profile: there are a lot of things and they are all normal, except something called dehidrogenase lactic or something like that, which I've never heard of, but I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about!
hemogram: I've never known how to read it, but I can tell my white globules are high, but that's pretty obvious considering I have a cold, I was just taken a tooth away (probably my body is fighting to avoid infections) and the antibiotics I think...anyway, I won't worry !!
protrombine: normal

So everything looks ok, just a little more patience to know the HIV results, but I'm starting to relax more...E's been VERY patient and has calmed me a lot....

More on friday!!!

Thanks for your patience!!

Tests panic

I think this is going to be a looong period of my life.

As I told you, yesterday I went to the doctor, and of course he ordered me a lot of tests (or exams) to do...and now I'm freaking out for the HIV test! Can you believe it? I mean, how could someone be THAT hypocondriac!...but I can't help it....

See, there was this one time I had sex with a guy I met on a cruise...in fact, it was my first time (not feeling proud about it!), and it sucked, the guy was so drunk he like fell asleep in the middle (I can't believe I'm telling you this)...anyway, that was a long time ago...well, and there was another guy in that cruise with whom I had oral sex (he had in fact)....so there you go....that's where my fears come from....you may think, why didn't I made the test before..? chicken...and also because I reaaally deep inside know I'm overreacting....but there's so many stories I've read....that I'm really afraid....or paranoid-ly afraid....

Well, the results come back friday am, but I'm scared that someone will call me from the lab...I've heard that when there are bad news, they call you (which personally I think is the worst strategy, I mean, you may be in the middle of a meeting and the nurse call you to tell you THAT?? come on!), so every time the phone rings I jump a mile....

E can't believe I'm worried about that, he's really nervous about the second beta that comes out this afternoon, but really, I'm not worried (LOL!)...I'm so focused on that other test, I really don't care about the HCG...not that I don't care, but I'm sure it will come alright...I can't believe I am saying that, but well, at least having this panic attacks are being very useful to minimize pregnancy anxiety!!!

I know I'm a little crazy, I know rationally that everything's going to be ok, but I have this constant heartburn that's killing me...it's just like when I had to take that plane, I couldn't stop thinking about that...you know? Chances that I'm VIH positive are as high as the chances that that plane had crashed...but there I was, freaking out...

Well, at least I'm aware it's a mental problem I have, I know I have these symptoms whenever things I can't control are coming....I don't know the disease...control freak? maniac-depressive? obssesive-compulsive? Uncertainty-phobia? Whatever, the thing is I will relax only after friday morning...LOL, it's funny because I know I've said things like this A LOT, like "after I take the first beta, I will relax", "after I land back safe and sound, I will relax", but there's always a new worry that prevents me from relaxing completely....

I've read in many of your blogs something like "type A" personality...I'm sure I'm that, even not knowing exactly what it means....anybody knows???

Ok, enough for now...I'll keep you posted!!

Appointment and dental nightmare

Yesterday was a horrible day, regarding my teeth.

As I told you, Friday I bit something very hard and "thought" I had broken my tooth...so yesterday I went to the dentist, and yes indeed it was broken...and very deeply, so as much as they tried to "save" the tooth, there was no way so they had to take it out!!! It was really really awful!!! It was because they couldn't make a "crown" or something like that if the tooth was broken beneath the bone, and that was the case....

Of course I had to tell the dentist that I was pregnant...the dentist! before than my mother!!! I was so so angry at that f*ing restaurant...and I spent 3 hours in the dentist with my mouth open wide!!! With an anestesia that's less invasive, so it's less deep...so it hurt a bit...and as it passed away..OMG!!! I was in SO much pain!!!! Of course, unable to take anything to calm the pain down....the dentist did gave me antibiotics (amoxicillin) that are safe, but of course I called my OB/Gyn to make sure and he said it was ok, and that I could take acetaminophen as well but I only took one last night and one this morning to come to work (yesterday I went straight to my house).

So well, of course it distracted me a little from my normal pregnancy worries, but it was really really HORRIBLE....in fact, as soon as I got out of the dentist, I called E crying like I had been taken my arm off....

Anyway, today we went to the OB/GYN and I was very happy to have taken an HCG before going because he said it looked alright, and well, I don't have to gain much weight considering I'm already overweight (I explained the doctor it was TTC anxiety) and all in all he was very supportive and patient. He gave me a LOT of tests to do, and he told me I could have an U/S next thursday! (next week!), because I told him we were going to Mendoza and I'd probably be very nervous not knowing what's going on inside me....

So well, now the tests and hope for the best!!!!!

I'll keep you posted when the results come back!!

Thank you for your support!

P.S. Oh and yesterday I told my mom, because she was telling me to take medicins for the pain and I felt so liar so I told her...she's very happy...and cautious (like mother like daughter!) LOL!

Panic attack and Beta #1

I couldn't wait til tomorrow to write (normally I only write from my office), because I have my first Beta result:

3,528.7 at 20 dpo

Of course I already checked everywhere I could and even though it's within normal ranges, it's still a little high...but well that's another story.

You may think, how is it that she's writing on a sunday to tell us about her results...thing is, yesterday I (on my numerous trips to the bathrooms) detected a somewhat darker CM, like bright yellow, I could even say a little orange-pink...but mostly yellow.

This was just before leaving MIL's house, so all the way back I couldn't stop crying, thinking things were going to go wrong again. I know, stupid, paranoid and overreacting...but I couldn't help myself.

So well, after a long talk with E (who was VERY patient), I calmed down and went to sleep, only to wake up today thinking that I'd be better off knowing what was really going on inside me...so there we went to the clinic, paying like 50% more than the regular price (although we can get something back after the doctor give us an order)...and in the afternoon, after coming back from my mom's house, we picked it up...

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw THAT big number..I was expecting something more like 800 - 1,000...so my first comment "upss...could this may mean an ectopic pregnancy"...E really didn't allow me to say more, he couldn't believe I was worrying again after I had taken the test and it had come back within normal ranges...

So, I think I'm a little calmer right now...we still haven't told anyone!! (just blogland!)I would have told my mom already, but E has the idea that telling too soon, if something happens too soon, would generate comments like "well, it was pretty soon, that happens all the time"...like minimizing the problem...I don't agree with him a bit, but given the circumstances, I can well wait a couple days more as to avoid getting some "told you so" comments from him if something happens....see? we're both VERY paranoid and almost like waiting to receive (see) bad news...

I know a lot of you have gone through this, so I know we're not alone in this, but still, I think these are not going to be easy months...

I feel that if I start to relax or be happier, or think about the future (baby names, nursery room, labor, etc), I will jinx the whole thing and afterwards I would most regret having thought about so many things without having anything for sure...am I making any sense here?

Anyway, it's been a rough weekend. Friday we went out for dinner and as I was chewing some meat, I bit a tiny bone that was in the meat, and I think I broke a tooth...I'm not sure but it hurts a lot....Then, I've had this "thing" in my throat that has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now, it's like I had a "hair" or something stuck in the back of the mouth...it's only on one side, and well I have a flu coming down, so it's probably that but I've been worrying like hell thinking it must be something very complicated if it hasn't go by now...so I'm going to the ear-throat doctor (how do you call those? otorrinus?) tomorrow...and to the dentist hopefully tomorrow also..I'm panicking about anestesia and antibiotics or who knows what...of course I will tell the dentist about my pregnancy (I hate to tell the dentist first than anyone!)...

Then, to top the weekend, I woke up today with this huge stomachache-diarrhea...not very nice...but at least I hope my bloating has decreased a little...and well, having an afternoon with the proggresively more annoying SIL can get anyone in a bad mood!!

To sum up:
Tomorrow morning: dentist (I hope, if not I made an appointment in the clinic for tuesday 9 am)
Tomorrow lunchtime: ear doctor (I hope I don't have some tumor or something..!!)
Tuesday 3 pm: OB/Gyn and hopefully Beta nº 2.

So it will be a very medical week, but I think after I have the three diagnosis (throat, dentist, pregnancy) I will finally relax!! (or maybe find something else to worry about!! LOL)...

Thanks for your patience! I feel like totally crazy and cranky....

Many many Thanks!

Thank you all for your Congratulations and comments...it really means a lot for me!!

Yesterday was a pretty rough day, I had to fight back tears many times during the day. As I told you, I got mad at E...afterwards, I got mad at a friend...and so on.

I really think it was the 1.5 year of tension that was desperate to come out...of course I was in the office so I had to control myself. And really, reading your comments calmed me a lot!!

Today I feel better, emotionally. I'm still TERRIFIED and checking my underwear and all that...but I have been able to concentrate a little more in my work...and have managed to not think about my current status all the time....

I don't know if this is good or bad, but I've been having cramps constantly. I've read is normal to have them, so I think that as long as I have them, things should be alright. But then again I think, if I were about to have my period (= m/c), I'd have cramps anyhow!! Anyway, having that constant cramping helps me to calm down...LOL...and my boobs, OMG do they hurt, so that's another thing that keeps me going...

Well, I only hope this week passes by quickly and I can go to the doctor and have all the exams taken and then maybe I can relax a little...and tell my mom and sister!!! LOL...

On other news, today I'm going to see Shakira, the colombian singer, do you know her? Anyway, it's THE big event, my mom bought the tickets like 3 months ago, it's an only girls night out: mom, sister, me....So I'm pretty excited about it!!! Tomorrow I'll tell you!!

Will keep you posted!!!
Thanks again!!

Unbelievable...

BFP....
BFP...
BFP!!!!!

Can you believe it? I can't...really....I'm sooooo scared...specially considering my previous experience, and considering also I'm like 4ww 1 day...I'm really freaked out.

I have an appointment next tuesday, I hope things go well until then, but I don't know how I'm going to survive. I'm already mad at E (for other things), probably because I'm so nervous....

Well...nothing more to say for now, I'm in some sort of shock and veeery skeptical, every time I go to the bathroom I'm sure there will be "something" that will ruin my illusion....

For now, I'm only hoping to survive this week.

See you!!

Skeptical...

So I've been using my Clearblue Fertility Monitor for 15 days now, but I'm a little skeptical about it. Why could that be? You may ask...

Thing is, it showed me peak fertility on days 13 and 14...how could I be THAT regular!!!! I mean, I am indeed pretty regular, but I still have my doubts about the monitor. I've read everywhere that it measures your hormones, so it should be right!!

Maybe I was just hoping my lutheal phase was shorter or longer than I thought, and that was keeping me from getting pg (you know, bad timing). But it seems I have an average lutheal phase, average cycle, normal ovulation (apparently)....so why haven't I gotten pregnant!!!!

Well, I know there are a lot of other possibilities: some blocking somewhere, "bad" eggs, wrong pH....and then of course, male factors: low sperm count, poor movility, "bad" sperms....but apparently there's nothing wrong with us (having gotten pg once)....

It's probably just bad luck, or too much stress...I don't know. I only know that this month we really made an effort to cover all the bases...and by effort I mean REAL effort. For example yesterday neither of us where "in the mood", in fact E was feeling really bad, with a headache, nausea, and was very very tired....but we brought ourselves to it, barely, but well, I hope it's worth it!!!

Now the waiting starts...

I would appreciate, in the meantime, if someone could tell me if the fertility monitor really measures your hormone levels or does it shows you your fertile days in day 13 and 14, always? Have any one used it?
And another question I've been thinking about for some time. How do you count the time you've TTC? I mean, if you skip one month, the next month is again month 1? or you add it up to the months you've been TTC before?
Let me tell you my TTC history:
- May 2005 to August 2005: pregnant on month #4 and early m/c
- Oct 2005 and Nov 2005: TTC without success
- Dec 2005 - Jan 2006: no TTC because of my new job (even though we had sex on CD14 at the end of january, but it was the one time)
- Feb 2006 - May 2006: TTC (4 months)
- Jun 2006: due to family problems (my brother in jail remember?), we skipped that month
- Jul 2006 to today: TTC (5 months counting this one)

So if I sum it up, there are 15 months, but with those "holes" in between, I get confused about probabilities, you know what I mean? I've never been more than 5 months in a row TTC, so I don't know if that's the problem or I have to consider that I've been TTC 15 months? Does anyone knows about this?
I'm probably being ridiculous to try to find excuses, maybe not wanting to accept fully my IF, but still I get the doubt. Well, I hope we don't skip more months now so I can do a normal count. LOL!!!

Thanks!!!