Life goes on...

I've realized nowadays I'm writing a lot less than at the beginning..but my life isn't that much interesting lately.

It's not that I'm bored or anything, but things are going pretty smooth, and I'm really ok with it.

Some news:

1) I've decided (again) to stop worrying about TTC...I really think I will succeed this time, because this month, for the first time in a LOT of months, I'm sure I'm not pregnant (we stopped trying for this month, remember), and even though in my fertile days I was a little anxious, it really released a lot of the pressure I had. E and I talked about it and he told me some things that made a lot of sense to me. It's like sometimes I get so obsessed with something, that I loose the whole point of it. So finally my life was only about "getting pregnant", whatever it took. And to begin with, we're conceiving a life!!! It's not like "I want a new car"...it's a human!!! So now I think I'm focused again, and I hope this will make things a lot easier!!!! In fact, no more temping for me, no more FF...of course I will keep track of my dates and all, but I'll try to relax a little more!!! I'll tell you how it goes!!!

2) As I'm no longer jealous of my SIL, I'm starting to get pretty excited about having a niece, so I started knitting!!! I'm making a blanket, very very pretty, and I'm planning on making her a pink sweater when I finish the blanket. I'm pretty happy about it!!!!

3) I'm getting a little tired, this time of the year is when I crave for vacations...winter, cold days, rain...really makes me want to stay at home!!!! But after july, things start to look better again, I have one of my best friend's wedding, then the baby...and then springtime, birthdays, longer days...LOL

4) Remember my friend F?? I don't know if you remember, is this great friend I've had since I was 13, but she's so egocentric that I'm having trouble keeping that friendship. Her last "hit": although she never calls me, some weeks ago she called me out of the blue, in the middle of the day (she's a doctor, currently doing her specialization, so she works all day), and didn't tell me anything special. "how've you been?" and that kind of conversation. It was the week my brother was in jail, but I didn't really feel like telling her about it. First, because I was at the office and didn't want someone to listen (eventhough I have a private office, the door is always open!), and second, she's very "gossiper" (you know that people who are always telling you "did you know X blablabla"), so I didn't want the whole city to know about it.
Well, the other day my mom tells me (this is kind of complicated to explain, because it's pure she told me that you told me that he told me....stuff) that her best friend, C, told her that D (my friend F's mom, who's friends with my mom and her friend C) knew all about my brother, because A (my soon to marry friend) told F about it, and F told her mom D. Did you get it??? So I call my friend A to see why she told F...and she told me the following: turns out my mom's friend C told F's mom (D), who told F...so F called me JUST TO SEE if I told her what she already knew (she was hoping I'd tell her "my brother is in jail" and she'd been like "really!! I had no idea!!"), just to feel better I think. So as I didn't tell her anything, she was a little upset with me...can you believe it!!! (well, thing is A did tell her "did you know what happen to josefina?" and F told her "yes, C told my mom").
I'm really sad, because AGAIN it was all about her. I mean, if she already knew, she could have told me "I know what happened, how are you doing? do you need anything", but not call me to SEE if I would tell her!! And then get angry because I told A and not her!!!! Yes, she sound like a 5 year old!! And how can she be SO self-centered!!!! I mean, I was having a rough time!!!!
I'm really really dissapointed with this friend...because she has no space in her mind to worry about ANYTHING but herself!!!! This confirms me, once again, that you can tell good friends from bad ones, when you're having bad times...I mean, A called me everyday to see how was I and my family, my other friend C, also called me EVERYDAY...but F....it really amazes me how does she pretend I will tell her my intimate things if she calls me ONLY when she thinks she can get something from me (gossip or whatever she needs), and never once asks me how I am (you know, the real question, like from the bottom of the heart, not the "hi how are you" question). She can only think about her wedding (totally imaginary for the moment), her being a doctor, and nothing else!!!!
Well, the only thing that prevents me for deciding not to be friends with her anymore is that I've been friends with her for 15 years, so there is a lot of memories, and of course I care about her, but I can't consider her my "best friend" as before, don't you think?

So, finally I wrote a lot!! I've forgotten to write about F, but there you got it!!!!
Got a meeting so I got to run!
See ya!!

No particular news...

There's not much going on around here...

I had my OB/GYN appt on wednesday, it went better than I thought....I mean, I think it will never ever be pleasant to have someone checking on your most intimate parts, but at least my doctor is very nice and made me feel somewhat relaxed.

He then called E in (he was waiting outside because when I started telling him about how was it that the doctor checked on me, he started going pale LOL), and gave a little speech about being relaxed, that we're both empirically fertile, and that don't pressure ourselves and bla bla bla...I felt a little more de-pressured (even though he had told us almost the same after the "m/c"), but E didn't totally buy it. He was silent, but in the car he went on saying that of course the doctor doesn't know how it is to be month after month thinking about TTC and all that. I agree with him in that, but anyway the doctor "opened my eyes" (for a while I think...LOL), like well, what's the point in hurrying that much...but then again, I'm still not 100% convinced of our so called proven fertility, because of course I could have a problem that makes me loose babies (I told the doctor that, but he was like rolling his eyes), having had a chemical pregnancy does not transform me in a fertility problem-free person, but well, I hope I'm just blabbing and everything turns out ok at the end.

I still have an u/s next week to check on that miome, but the doctor assured me it's just "therapy III", meaning he's sure there's nothing wrong with that miome, but for my mental sanity, he sent me to do the u/s...

At least the whole appt is over, now I have one thing less to worry LOL!!!!

Well, the rest of my life has been pretty normal, I've had a hectic week at work, so today I'm just procastinating (word that I learned from another blog!), waiting for a client's visit to check on our plants...

Have a great weekend! (long one for us !!!)

Hypocondriac stories...

Yesterday, while I was trying to get asleep, I thought I was going to share with you some awfully embarrasing experiences I've had gone through for being an hypocondriac:

Introduction: my hypocondry started when I was around 15, all because a classmate was talking about this "fabulous book" she had read...curiously, that book was in my house, so I read it: it was about a woman who had died at 24 due to a head tumor. Of course, at that age, girls are really insecure about everything, and I was really traumatized because of that book: started thinking any headache I had was a tumor and things like that. This was exacerbated (does that word actually exists?) by another story around that time, of a girl, one year younger, that had recently died from leuchemia...(it was a girl some of my classmates knew). There was a book about her too, and once I couldn't resist the (masoquist, I know) urge to take a look at it, but stopped myself because I was REALLY suffering.
Anyway, from that time I've always suffered A LOT inventing myself terrible diseases and illnesses...it's really exhausting. At least I've grown enough to realize when I'm being extremely stupid! LOL...
Well, another thing is that my father's sister died at 20 (I think I already told you this, but just for the record) from a head stroke (aneurism), so that "young dieing" has haunted me forever...

Okay, now that you know how this all begun (I really don't feel a bit proud of being like this, but I can laugh about myself, and why not give you the chance of knowing the ridiculous me), some stories:

1) Once (around that age too) I started feeling, or better said, not feeling my legs...it was a STRANGE feeling...(I remembered this because my brother reminded it to me some months ago), I think I was only tired or nervous...it's not that I didn't feel them, they were ...like have you ever felt you need to press something with your hand, because it seems weak? Well, it doesn't matter, it wasn't anything OF COURSE! but I was so so scared, I was crying and all...my brothers still laugh at me for that....

2) This happened like in december (past december!). Just before my brother's wedding in november, I caught a cold that left me voiceless, and considering that I had to read at mass, I had to go to the doctor and all. There's nothing with that, though. But after the wedding, I think a couple of weeks later, I started having "trouble to breath", I mean, I needed to take a deep breath like every 5 minutes and my back hurt all the time. So, my self-diagnostic: PNEUMONIA...LOL!! So I went to the doctor (E included), and the doctor made me several exams...and he said: I think you're really tense, I recommend you go to a shrink, maybe he can give you some "relaxing medicine"...Imagine how I felt at that moment...he told me there was NOTHING wrong with me, in fact I breathed above average...and blablabla...so when we went out, I started crying like shet! (I think many people thought I really had something serious). Because I felt SO ridiculous, having gone to the doctor, it was like a "you're definitively crazy" alert....now I find it funny, but in that moment I felt so embarrased!!!!! LOL...stupid me (in fact, nowadays that backache has come back, but now I know better! LOL).

3) Once I went to a dermatologist to check my face (I suffered from acne when I was a teenager, and I still get pimples all the time), but as I was there, I showed her a strange "mole" that has appeared in my hand...it was this thing, flesh coloured...but I was a little worried LOL...sooooo, she told me : it's NOTHING (she was very comprehensive, though)...and guess what, it dissapeared a couple days later LOL!!!

4) My new worry is moles (as I posted some time ago)...of course I went to check myself, totally sure one mole had grown...and no, nothing wrong....

5) I was once really really worried because my head kept aching...I though I had sinusitis, but as I kept being worried, my mom took me to the doctor, who (for my own sake) told me to do a scanner...that word REALLY scared me...in fact, we payed extra to have the results earlier...and yes, there it was, a retiring sinusitis...LOL....

6) The day before starting my first real job after university, I started feeling one side of my face like "sleepy" (you know when you sleep over your arm, that it feels funny, like with little ants, or something)...so I was SO sure I was about to have a head stroke...they only way I got to sleep was praying really really hard....it happened again before another big event (I think another job), so then I understood it was just a nervous reaction LOL!!!!

I'm starting to sound really pathetic, but believe me, most of the time I don't go to the doctor because the rational me know, very in the bottom of my thoughts, that I have nothing, but I have had some serious trouble going to sleep many nights, thinking I have something. And the funniest thing of all, is that I always imagine the WORST diseases:
Headache= tumor or aneurism
Backache= neumonia or lung cancer
Stomachache= at least I know I have irritable intestin sindrome, so I don't worry much about that LOL
Laringitis= throat cancer (not really LOL, but the thought has crossed my mind)
Heartache (more like a "gas")= heart stroke
Sleepiness= any of the above...
and so on....it's really pathetic, I insist, but I really can't help it. I think, as E always says to me, is that I can't stop worrying about something, so when I don't have any particular problem, I focus on diseases...crazy ha???

Busy days...

Well, I haven't had much time to write, less check on other blogs...I have a LOT of work, and at home I'm kind ofobsessed with this new game I found, Qwizard .

There's nothing too interesting going on. After what happened with my brother, E and I decided to "suspend" TTC for this month, given the fact it really stressed us out, and E's been having a lot of stomach problems lately, so there's no much "baby mood" these days. I think maybe it will be good for us, specially for me, as to relax a little bit and try to enjoy more than suffer with having a baby.

My brother (as you asked, Ben), with my other brothers and 3 cousins, got together on my parents' house (here most people live with their parents until they marry), and then went out, and when they were arriving to a club, they fighted with other boys, nothing serious. But then, like 4 police cars (not cars, more like mini-trucks) arrived, and "arrested" them, specially my brother J, who was trying to get away, and they kicked him badly (while they had him in the floor, mouth to the floor), then all the way to the hospital (they had to check for injuries), they were kicking and punching him, calling him "son of your daddy" (that's like spoiled brat), "little rich boy" and all kinds of things like that. And then at the hospital (it was more like a medical center) they decided he was in a very bad condition, so they told the police to take him to a bigger hospital, and somewhere in that moment, my brother, desperate and very injured, hit with his head on a policeman's nose (of course after that they kicked him harder...on the way to the hospital!!! he was unconscious for 3 hours, but no Rx was made to him). So he was accused of "bad treatment to police"...and was taken to jail right after that....

It was all very unfair, specially that they kept him 10 days!!!! and of course, the policeman had nothing!!! (my parents saw him on monday, 1 day after the incident)...and my brother is now processed and risks up to 5 years in prison!!! OF COURSE there's no way that will happen, we are planning on sueing (if that's the correct word) the policemen for "unnecesary violence"...

Well, that's the story, it was really hard for all my family, specially my mom who looked like a zombie...At least my brother is doing well now, studying very hard to catch up in his university, and things are coming back to normal...

On other subject, tomorrow I have my GYN appt, which is nothing I look forward too. The only idea of being there makes me shiver...and of course, as to be "presentable" I have a waxing appt today...so it's not a funny week for me!!!! LOL....

I'll tell you about it after I get through it!!

Have a nice week!!

Back from hell....

Finally my brother got out from jail...yesterday!!!! He was 10 days!!!! Can you believe it????

Yesterday was an awfully stressful day: my parents at marcial court, me at the (where the prosecutor is), waiting to see if the court decided to see the case yesterday...well, a lot of burocracy almost kept my brother one day more in jail. Fortunately (if we can call it that) my dad's sister (who died at 20...on 1974) was really good friends with a woman who is now a senator, and she helped us out a lot. I don't like the idea of using influences to sort things out, but in this country things don't work well unless you have influences, and she talked to someone who allowed my father to talk to the president of the court, and he (at the last minute) decided to see the case yesterday. So then they faxed the "temporary freedom" paper to where I was, so I could pay the "bail" (do you call it that?? I looked it up in a dictionary), and then they could send another paper to jail so they could release him (like 3 hours later)....it was very very heart-touching to see my brother again, he couldn't stop saying "what a nightmare"....
Then my parents took him to the hospital to check him thoroughly, his eardrum has a hole, and some eye bleeding...at least no internal coagulums or nothing serious, but he is well beaten...

At least the worst is over, now the process continues but my parents are going to hire a really good lawyer (because the one we had for this first part, really sucked, he really didn't care for my brother!!), and this senator told my mom that there's no way my brother will go to jail again....she's going to help us as much as she can (because as you know, legislative and judicial power can't interfere with each other)...and she's really FURIOUS with what the police did to my brother....I hope there can be something done!!!!! Well, and my mom even contacted a minister!!! who she knew from her university (see, this is a small country!!!), and she was also worried, I think she talked to someone in court also LOL!!!!!

Well, E and I have been REALLY stressed, it has been very difficult times for my family, specially my mom, so I hope things can now get back to normal, and my brother can continue his life without major traumas, because he's really affected.....

On the TTC news, I'm a little worried because we haven't been much in the mood really, with all this happening, and fertile days are just around the corner!! (CD 12) I hope God can give us a hand and allow us to conceive even with the odds turned against us LOL....well, we talked last night about this (with E) and decided to relax a little more with this, in fact, I won't take my temps anymore, it drives me crazy!! So try to have a good time, and not compare ourselves so much with our friends who have a lot of babies...I hope we suceed!!!!!

I will check out other blogs now, to catch up!!!

SHS...

That stands for "sick husband sindrome"...do you know it?? LOL...

My dearest husband is coming down with a flu, and that, my friends, is not funny!!! LOL....I don't know why is it that men are so lousy at being sick (well, at least my husband, dad, brothers, and friends' husbands are!)....but they are indeed a little "pain in the ass" when it comes to being sick.

E thinks that feeling ill is equivalent to being grumpy...and when I ask him why is it that he's so grumpy he answers, so matter of factly "well I don't feel well!!!!"...but I still don't make the relation!!! Of course they want us to take care of them as much as possible, LOL...I'm being a little too hard on him, and of course I'm exaggerating, but anyway I have a point here, don't you think?

At least today starts the Soccer World Cup in Germany, and that has E totally excited and expectant....so it will be a soccer weekend!!!! And it's a long one, so I will have a great chance to rest!!

P.S.: there's no news still with my brother. Today the prosecutor will say if she gives him temporal freedom or not!!!

Thankful

Thank you all for your support!!!! It's really nice to know there are so many people worried about this situation!!! Really, thanks a lot!!!

I have no further news as for now. Thanks for the explanation on the prosecutor - attorney - lawyer thing!! I can only tell you that police here are the worst. It looks like when they first caught my brother (after he and my other brothers and cousins have been in a fight), they kicked him really hard...so it's so unfair, I mean he didn't deserve that treatment!!! Oh well, I only hope the prosecutor decides tomorrow that he can go and then come back for the trial. I really would love that we had your US system here. It has modernized a lot in the civil justice, but the military one is like sooooo old....

Well, yesterday I went out with my little sister, we had a GREAT time, we laughed a lot and talked a lot, I really love my sister so much!! (I was trying to put a picture of us but blogger doesn't let me!!!). And it was good also because she's very affected with what's happening to my brother, so she could also let out her feelings...she's so pissed with my dad (we all are), in these situations he just "dissapears", I mean, it's my mom who's talking to the lawyer, calling everyone she knows who can be of help, going to the "prosecutory" (LOL I don't have a clue of the word, in spanish it could be that) by herself or with my brother. My dad goes only if my mom asks him to...you know? he sorts of "blocks" and doesn't do anything. My mom is totally devastated, for my brother AND because my dad doesn't help her. So I was talking to E, and we think we'll have to have more protagonism in this story, so my mom won't be alone with this....

I'll tell you more when I know something!!

Thanks again!!!

Nothing much

Well, there's nothing much going on around here....I just noticed that the sky is looking really beautiful...but that has nothing to do with this...

My brother's still in jail. At least now he has a new lawyer, a former military attorney (now forgive me here, I barely know the words in spanish, so I don't know the name, prosecutor may be), so he has a LOT of experience in this stuff. He managed to talk to my brother, who sent a letter to my parents saying things are not going so bad, food is not that bad and that to tell his girlfriend that he loves her very much (I must admit I had to fight back tears when my mother read me that part)....
Anyway, things are a little complicated, but at least the prosecutor (I still don't know if that's the correct word) listened to my other brother's and cousin's declaration...and she was very impressed to know the treatment the police gave to my brother (who is in fact, deaf from one ear for the moment, said the lawyer).
So, we'll have to wait until thursday to see what the attorney decides to do. My brother is a little desperate because he's loosing classes in the university...but well...we'll see!!

On other news, I'm now really determined to loose some weight, I have these pants on I bought 2 months ago, and now they're all stretch!!!!! I hate it when I "feel my fat"...LOL...so I'm pretending to loose a few kg (like 6 pounds I think...) before I go to my GYN appt!!!

Oh! And yesterday I went to the dermatologist to check my moles (lunars), they were all ok. So that only leaves the dentist pending!!! So then I will have an almost complete revision of my body. Good for me!!!

Thanks!!

Ben , you're a genius!!!!

Thanks K. for your help also!!!!

It's so nice to have people to help you!!!!!!

Thanks again!!!

Format....

I don't know why my blog looks so strange, with all the sidebar in the bottom.

Anyone has any clues of how can I fix that?

Thanks!!!

Another week

Well, I haven't written in a couple of days, mainly because I was a little busy, and there wasn't too much going on.

Now, after the weekends, there are some news - no TTC related:

1) One of my brothers is currently in jail!!!!!! Believe me, this is nothing we are remotely used to!! Thing is, saturday night, my brothers and cousins (men meeting) got together, and then decided to go dancing, of course having drunk a lot. So outside the club they started fighting with some other guys, and the police came to separate them, and one of the policemen received a punch in his nose, given by my brother. So, as you can imagine, they were all brought to the station, and my brother (the "punch" one) was set aside, after being seriously "attacked" by a lot of policemen (they love to abuse being in control, and specially with all these "spoiled boys who have everything they want and think they can do anything"). So, to make the story short, my brother was sent to jail while the military justice makes an audience or some legal stuff I don't understand at all. My mother is devastated, angry and worried at the same time. My father doesn't want to know anything about this whole mess, and well, that's about it for now. I'm pretty worried, but very mad: this is not the first time my brother gets himself in trouble for drinking so much (in Chile people drink A LOT and it's not very responsible with driving or so): he had a huge car accident a couple of years ago, and some other minor things. But he's a nice guy, very funny and relaxed, and never gets angry. But it seems when he drinks, he loses control of himself and become very aggresive (that's what my other brother told my mom). So I hope at least he can have his lesson now, and stop behaving like such a baby!!!!!

2) There's currently in my country a huge "student movement". High class students organizated in such a good way, they've managed to transform their movement in a national situation. See, they want better education quality, they're asking to reform the current educational law. The point is that public schools here (how do you call a section of the city that is ruled by a mayor? well, public schools are more like "local schools": each ....(put word that describes "section of the city ruled by a mayor" here) administrates their schools, so money isn't the same for each school) are REALLY bad, some don't even have decent bathrooms. So they're asking for better education and all that. There are more than half a million students (that's a lot for our country!) involved, but the good thing is they're very prepared, they know perfectly well what to do, and disturbs have been very few. So, our (lady) president is totally over her capacity, and haven't come to any good solution. Well, what do you know, it's in CNN (not very clear and biased, but to give you an idea!!)

3) I had a number 3 that self-erased when I corrected the link that was giving my blog a strange format, so I forgot what it said, I think it was something about my weekend, but I don't remember!!!

Well, have a nice week!!!

Quick post

I have to leave for my therapy, but I wanted to write a few words:

I'm definitively not pregnant: there's already some "dirtyness" when I wipe...and as much as some people do have some "pregnancy spotting", there's no difference between this month and the others before.

Anyway, I'm not suffering that much, because I think there were some issues needed to be solve (thinking about "divine timing"). For example, and mainly I think, there was E's job, that finally, today, he closed a pretty good deal: a fixed income, very reasonable one, and also he will a partner in the company, which means, among other things, he can have some "profit withdrawals" that company associates normally do. So we can finally relax about money, and debts, and all that, and believe me it has been a huge issue since we got married. So maybe now, inconsciously, we now we can have a baby without having to worry about money (don't get me wrong, it never ever crossed our minds to pospone baby plans because of money, but it's surely better to know we have no HUGE debts).

Well, got to run!!!
I will let you know when AF (I found that name very very funny!!! my mom has always call it "mary" (in english!)) makes her unwanted appearance!!