Busy week

Well, as I supposed, this last week was really busy, mainly because of the power point I prepared for my grandmother.

I spent most of the week focused on that, so I barely had time to worry about "dreaded" 2ww.

My grandma's birthday went really great. She was very shocked that so many relatives were there, and the mariachis, and a speech my big brother prepared, and my presentation...it was a day full of emotions and I was really glad she was very very happy.

So now that's over, I'm just starting to realize it's only 1 week more to "D day". Thing is, I'm not having my hopes too high, although sometimes I check on some symptoms, but not being able to identify anything so concluding.

Also, my trip is getting very close, but I'm trying to handle it the best I can. Sometimes, rational thoughts are stronger and I feel very confident, but other times, specially before I go to sleep, when I think I won't be able to go through it.

On other subject, SIL is getting a big belly, but my jealousy is kind of going away a little, but she's still annoys me with some comments, like "yes, I'm 5 and a half months", and even though I tried to explain to her she's only 4 and a half months, there was no way I could convince her. I know it's something very stupid, but why is she getting ahead? I don't know (she's due september 12, so that leaves 4 and a half months till that day, isn't it?). But well, I think I will be totally over it really soon, I hope.

Well, also we had another therapy session that was pretty good, it has make us even closer, so I'm really happy about it.

I hope this week is a litttle calmer, good thing is that tomorrow is labor day, so we had yet another day to rest.

The waiting begins...

Again, I'm at the start line of this eternal waiting for DPO14 to arrive (I'm like DPO2 now).

So I hope I can keep myself busy enough to avoid thinking about that all the time. I'm not doing well if I'm already aware!

Well, I will try to focus in some upcoming events the following weeks:

1) Saturday april 29th: My grandma's 80th birthday. There's a kind of "events" on my parents house, with "mariachis", printed balloons (with her picture), and a powerpoint presentation, that I'm somewhat in charge of (it's like the usual, I always end up involved in the organization).

2) Monday may 1st: my BIL's birthday, nothing that special, but we have to buy him something.

3) May 10th: my 28th birthday. Well, by that time I'll already know about how TTC went this month, but anyway, I have to figure out whether I will invite anyone or not, considering my trip starts the next day early in the morning.

4) May 11th - 14th: Mendoza trip, this is what I think I'll spend most of the time thinking about, because of my flight terror! I've been doing some "self-therapy", reading stuff as to calm myself down (for ex, chances of an air crash are 1 in 1.8 million. Yes, it's more likely to win the lottery), but sometimes I get terrified again. Specially after a plane crashed this weekend (it was a tiny plane, but anyway it's frightening), and today I read a commercial plane crashed, a Russian one I think, but at least it was a "land crash" (it was like it couldn't takeoff or something), so it wasn't that terrible. But it got me thinking of something my mother used to say "there's always 3 plane crashes on a row". So one more to go, I hope it's not mine. YES, I'm a stupid supersticious, I know, but I can't help thinking that stupid staff. Anyway, the flight lasts only 50 minutes, so then I think, it's not that big deal. But I still get this uneasy feeling whenever I think of that.

5) May17th: appointment with my ginecologist. My idea is well if I do get pregnant, that date is perfect timing (my doctor is a little busy, so I took the hour like on march!). If I don't get pregnant, I want him to make me some exams, because of that strange spotting I had last month. So anyway it will be useful to go.

As you see, there are a lot of things to worry right now, so I'll try to keep my mind off TTC, and well, off flight fear also, I can't be so irrational, I have to be over it!!!

Therapy

So, as announced, we went yesterday to our therapy.

It was quite interesting, they made us sit on opposite directions (with our backs facing), and the idea was that each of us told the story of us meeting each other, but when one was talking, the other wasn't supposed to talk ANYTHING. It took a little longer than planned, so only E got to tell his version.

The interesting part was that as I was forced to be quiet (something REALLY difficult for me), I was able to realize some things.

At first, I was only worrying about some inprecisions E was saying (like "we went out for I don't know, 2, 3 weeks"...and I knew it was only 1!!), but then I started to relax about that and started really listening at what he was saying, and how he was feeling when he narrated.

Afterwards, therapists asked me how I felt and I told them, and the curious thing was that they gave me, almost as a homework, to try to listen more to E. Not that I don't listen to him, but sometimes I'm so worried about stupid details, that I "loose" some interesting parts, you know?

At first I was a little upset. E of course realized that so he tried to defend me, saying that he, indeed, wasn't at all a "talker", so it wasn't a problem for him that I talked more than him. But on our way home, he explained me what were the therapists talking about, and it was that: try to focus more in the "global" and less in the details, that most of the time are irrelevant for the main subject.

So I'm glad because I've never even thought about that, and now it makes a lot of sense to me. And now I can't stop thinking about all the times that I haven't been able to really understand E, for being such a "detail-freak".

In fact, I'm more like a control freak, that's what I've come to realize over the last couple of months. I must have EVERYTHING under my control, and when that doesn't happen, some strange things happen to me: the most typical (and obvious) is freak out. For example, I have (almost) no control over illness, so I panic that I might have one serious one (meningitis, cancer, hepatitis, anything terrible you can think of), but that's because I'm so scared of things I can't control. Same things with airplanes: it's not up to me whether they stay on air or not, and that's why I fear them so much.

I'm sounding like a terrible person, but at least I've discovered this, and I think that will help me a lot to be a better person.

Back to the therapists (the funny thing, I told them that yesterday that as a "control freak" it's very hard for me not to interfere with E's story, and one of the therapists then said "well, but with you being a "control FIL"" or something like that, totally clueless!!! at least the other therapist seemed to know a little more english so she corrected the other one. E and I laughed the rest of the day with that), I think my first step in my de-controlling process should be indeed E, and try to "trust" him a little more, in what he's saying, let loose for a change.

I know it won't be easy, but being such an obsessive person, I think it will be my personal challenge, and God how I love to beat challenges! LOL!

It's amazing, but I think most of my life is ruled by having control of the situation. I was now thinking about TTC, and it's the exact same thing: I need to mimimize the un-controlled part, so I have to gather as much information as I can, do everything I can, but then, as there's a great uncontrollable part, I get anxious and all that you well know about.

I will collect some information about my "condition", LOL (yes, now it's my new obsession)!

Chilean - English words

I was thinking about how the english language (or more like it, the whole globalization thing I talked about a while ago) has progressively affected our language.
Some examples:

- Heavy: we use this word a lot, specially younger people, I think you use it as an expression also? Here at least, is used to reply to something "big". Example: "yeah, she got divorced and a week later she was married to another person, but pregnant to a third unknown one" (I'm just making an exaggerated story to show the point of the word), so the answer is like "wow, how HEAVY", but it's pronounced in a "chilean" way, more like ...mmmm well there's no equivalent...

- Light (curious that we use 2 opposites but not like opposites): well, of course all the "light" (diet) products, and also to refer to legally-blonde-type people, worried about superfluous (I think that's wrong said) things, do you use that? "she's so light, only worried about clothes and makeup and buying stuff". Well, it's pretty literal.

- Top of Mind: marketing slang, or market research also. Well, that 100% literal.

- "too much": something exagerated, excessive. Yes, it's literal, but it's a kind of snob expression. "yeah, the wedding was ok, but the decoration was a little too much"

- reason why: this is an annoying bussiness concept that I really hate . My ex-boss liked to say that (I worked in a market research company). "we have to think about the "reason why" of this study". yucks.

- well, there are some more obvious, as "e-mail" that we call it here just "mail" (not everybody, but a lot of people) and others that are almost generic like "walkman" or "personal stereo" (80's) and others that I can't think of now.

- In particular, I use some words that I've come to discover don't have a satisfying meaning in spanish: annoying and awkward, I even made E use them also. I also love the way they sound, I don't know why. Also, when someone says something unfinished or unconcluding I like to say "sooo...", or "hello!" in the same way you use it, as an expression, not to actually say hello, but more like "come on!!" you know?

Well, that for now, I'm having a headache right now so my brain isn't working all that well.

Oh! and today we have our 3rd therapy session, I'm pretty excited because we're going to make a "genogram" or whatever that's called. Therapists (yes, there are 2 of them) think the point is not to solve E's problems with my family but more to make US stronger, as a new family. They used the example of us being "plain white rice" (that's what some friends call us, because we get along with anyone, just like rice goes with almost any food), and to become more like "paella" or "risotto", like a whole meal, not just garment. We'll see how that goes!

Baby registry!

First of all, thanks for your tips on OPK's, I looked at the pages, they're really cheaper there (that's one of the costs of a country in the end of the world!). They do ship outside US, but I think I'll wait another month. For some strange reason I'm having good feelings this month, I think it's mainly because my prayers to St. Therese, I'm so sure she'll help me!!!

And, then, of course, I've been following my CM very closely, and I'm pretty sure that my ovulation is due today or at the most, tomorrow. Last month I couldn't identify my ovulation day, so I think maybe I didn't ovulate at all. I read somewhere that it's pretty common that 1 cycle a year is anovulatory. I hope it was last month!

I have a question, in TTC is better to have intercourse every day in fertile days, or every other day? I've never come to a concluding answer, some say one thing, some say the other. A friend of mine got pregnant on the 2º month TTC, with the "every other day" routine, but then maybe I'm not putting enough effort and should increase frequency? Please help with this issue!!

Another thing, I found a great blog, that S. has, she registers every person she has found in blogland that is pregnant. Boy, how I would love to be in her registry!! Her blog is Babes in Blogland in case you haven't found it yet.

That was un update for the day!

This is getting more difficult...

Finally, even though E didn't remained mad with me for long, he wasn't AT ALL "in the mood". Thing is, with all this uncertainty he's having at work, he's having a rough time, so a couple of times he has broke down. Yesterday was one of those days. So the whole TTC was out of the question.

I hope today he's better, because if not, there goes another month. I insist, I know I'm sounding very insensitive, I am indeed very worried about E, but I know 2 weeks from now, when I get my period, we'll feel very dissapointed, and no "well, we didn't get to do our "homework" very well this month, did we?" will come in handy at that moment. That's it, I'm just anticipating what will happen, and that's why I hope today we can get on track again.

In the meantime, I gathered a little more information about OPK and fertility monitors, of course (as always) here in Chile there's only one brand, Clearblue, so there's no much price options: 1 set of OPK with 7 sticks, costs $50, the fertility monitor, $260 PLUS the 20 sticks that goes another $73. It's not like go and buy it! One alternative is getting an OPK, hoping I'll only need it for a month or 2, so that would be $100, but then again, what if I have to keep TTC for more than 6 months! Then it would be better to buy the monitor, that would even be useful if someday I don't want a baby, and then I would keep track of my cycle (I really DON'T like pills, make me feel really bad).

But I don't think E will like the idea, maybe it'll be even more stressing, I don't know. I think I should start with OPK, maybe afterwards I can use the monitor, I don't know really, I will think about it a little more.

On weather news, winter is more evident everyday, last night it rained a little, and there is more announced for later today and tomorrow. We already put on the radiators (I don't know the word for a centralized warming system at home), so this is it for warm days. Well, I'm not that bad with the change, I was wanting to wear some winter clothes!

Grumpy

Today I woke up in a bad mood, mainly provoked by my excess of sleepiness.

So, I turned an important part of my grumpiness to E, who received "free" unpleasant comments such as "be careful not to spill toothbrush all around the bathroom" (because I noticed a spot (that was probably left by me), and everything regarding teeth and toothbrush and toothpaste makes me a little uncomfortable), and "are you deaf or what? I've been calling you for an hour (twice)".

Anyway, E is really patient with me, but my last comment just "crossed the line" (I won't get in details here), so we went all the way to my office (he left me here) totally quiet, which REALLY upsets me because I like to sort things out by talking, but E simply shuts up and if I start talking, it's worse, so I have to bite my tongue.

Well, the discussion isn't all that the point. I don't like the idea of "fighting" in the middle of my fertile days. Yes, I'm an insensitive person that cares for that kind of things instead of the fight itself. But I can't help it. It's not like "well yeah, didn't work out this month, next month will be", I mean come on! We all know TTC is not as easy as it seems, so why minimize even more the chances just for a stupid comment!!

OK, I'm exaggerating a little, I'm CD 12 today only, but anyway I don't like to loose the "one day yes one day no" routine, that I've heard it's the best way to TTC.

I hope we can work it out during the day!!!

P.S.: nothing of this would've had happened if it weren't for the loooong boring movie we watched last night "in her shoes". It has its moments, but in general, I would've preferred to sleep a couple more hours and had avoided this stupid discussion!

Relaxed

Here I am, after this great long weekend, that is never enough to sleep and rest as much as I would want to.

I had a great time, and I realized that I'm really calmer about TTC than other months, I wasn't even aware that I'm already in my fertile days, so I've got a good feeling now, maybe not THIS month, but soon enough I hope.

I think it's because my thoughts are centered in my trip, about planes crashing and all that, but I'm starting to relax about that also, because E said something so simple and wise at the same time: "if you are so scared, don't go", and that simple phrase released a lot of pressure I was feeling (= ok I'm doomed, there's nothing I can do about it, I'm going to die on that plane, pretty crazy I know), and have stopped me a little from thinking so horrible things. Even more, my usually equally phobic sister, yesterday told me that she wasn't afraid of planes anymore, after crossing the Atlantic several times, she got used to planes and rationally thought that chances are really low that precisely HER plane would crash. I admire her maturity to overcome something that's so difficult for me!!

Well, I thing that's about it for now, hope this month this TTC-relax will help me!!

Blogger problems

I'm having SERIOUS problems trying to reach to other blogs, has anyone had this problems today? Maybe there's something with the weather or who knows what.

Hate it when technology doesn't work, it's like it makes our life so easy, but once we get so used to it that we can barely live without it, PAF it starts playing with us, presenting this totally undescifrable problems.

Ok, I'll continue trying with this shit!

Autumn is here

Well, is more like winter today.

After an unusually extended summer (or at least "summer like" days, because temperature has been going down for a while now), finally horrible and cold days have arrived.

Last night it seems to have rained a little, and today welcomed me with this gray-black clouds...definitively not a day to wake up early and come to work, freezing all day.

Anyway, as a lot of you had said in your blogs, having seasons is better than being always in summer (or worst, in winter), so I'm receiving this change without struggling! LOL!

Not much more to tell, I'm really tired today, hope to produce a little. Luckily tomorrow it's a holiday!

Normal

Well, this week has been a little hectic, being a short week (friday is holiday here, Holy Friday) and all.

Besides work, I've had evening activities all week: monday it was my best university friend's birthday, yesterday I took my little sister out for dinner (we had a GREAT time, I love having a little sister!), today it's my best school friend's birthday (I'm not into horoscopes but it amazes me that 2 of my closest friends are Aries, and there are other 2 pretty good friends that have their birthdays in April also), tomorrow we are getting together with our "single" friends for dinner, ufff...so I'm a little tired!!!

On the TTC issue, I talked to my friend (the one with a birthday today) who is a doctor (currently starting her specialization: nose-ears-throat doctor, do you call them otorrinus or something?), I told her about this strange spotting I had from 4 days before getting my period, she told me it's probably nothing, maybe "endometrial unstability" or maybe stress, but that I shouldn't worry, well she told me it could've even been another micro-abortion, that that is VERY normal and all. So if it really was that:
1) That could explain my apparently pregnant symphtoms but couldn't explain why I got a negative test. Maybe Hcg levels didn't go that up.
2) I really have a bad luck
3) I really have a serious problem that prevents me from staying pregnant (or maybe it's progesterone)
4) I'm actually pretty fertile considering it was only the second month TTC.

All and all, I didn't like the thought of having had ANOTHER chemical pregnancy, I prefer to think I had that endometrial unstability due to the excess of stress I had, having to fire the sales man and all that.

Well, but as you know, I'm in my new confident phase, relying on "upper help" (= God, St. Therese) to give me my so wanted child.

Other news, it seems I'm going on a trip next month, it's an only women trip: my granda, her sister, my mom, my aunt, 2 of my cousins, my sister and me. My grandma is inviting us, as to celebrate her 80th birthday on April 28th (but we're going mid may). We're just going "next-door", to Mendoza, Argentina (it's like 40 minutes away by plane, 6 hours by car), but it's a totally shopping-trip, so I'm really excited about it. Argentina has been really convenient for the last years (they got in a huge economic depression), and US dollar is also convenient for us, so you can buy here a lot of dollars (compared to some years ago), and then in Argentina, 1 dollar gives you 3 "pesos", and you can eat for something like 10 pesos. Really really cool. The ony tiny problem is that I have a terrible flying-terror (I know there's an expression for that, but I can't remember it right now), so I'm imagining the plane crashes, E becomes a widow, I can't get to be a mother, and all sort of horrible thoughts. Worst of all: Santiago is right beside the mountains, Mendoza also (on the other side, of course), so the plane has to go up really fast, cross the mountains, and go down really fast again. Do you see all the risks involved in that? Storms (it will be late autumn, almost winter), turbulences, and all sorts of terrible things.

Then again I think I'm too egocentric thinking that of all people, I'm the one that will get ALL existing diseases and illness, my plane will be the one to crash, and on and on. So I hope I can get through it and enjoy the perspective of the trip!!

One more time

Well, as expected, I got my period...only 2 days before D day, actually 1.5...it was friday night when I got it. That explains my awful mood that day.

Thank God I have a husband like E. I think he had to make a HUGE effort to be that patient with me. We went out for dinner, to a nice restaurant, and had a really great time, so that was pretty cool.

Saturday we went to my parents' for lunch, saturday afternoon we went shopping, and saturday evening, to watch an EXCELLENT movie: in spanish it's called "a perfect plan" but I'm thinking it has a different original name, with Clive Owen, Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster. We continued talking about the movie for quite a while afterwards, I totally recommend it! (ok I looked it up in IMDB , it's called "Inside Man", directed by Spike Lee)

Yesterday we took MIL to a sanctuary about an hour away, it's the sanctuary dedicated to one of the 2 chilean saints: St. Therese of the Andes is her name. My MIL had to go to thank her and E and I wanted to ask her to "help" us. We could go to mass (it was ...I don't know the name, the sunday before easter sunday. I found this also: Palm Sunday, here we call it something like "branch sunday"), and I got to pray very hard, so now I feel very confident and happy again (talk about bipolarity), I think I will turn more to God now, I can't handle this all by myself, I need some "upper" support!!

By the way, thanks cat and K. for your advises, I really think there's no need to tell husbands so much details, it isn't worth it!

PMS?

I'm having a really bad day today. I'm feeling sad, mad, depressed, every single negative feeling is here with me today.

Last night I took a test. OF COURSE it was negative, I don't know why I even bothered. OK; stupid me should have waited a little longer, but was in an anxiety stage that didn't let me think clearly.

Thing is, that stupid test started a pretty rough discussion with E, because he doesn't like me being so obsessed with this whole TTC, and well anyway we worked it out, but today I'm feeling really really depressed.

Not that much for the negative result, in fact, E words although a little direct and even hurtful, had a lot of truth, so I decided to relax a little with babies, at least as to avoid E getting so tense. Doing it for him is easier.

But, and probably due to PMS, I'm really sensitive, you know when someone says "stupid computer" and you're like "why did you call ME stupid"....anyway, I'm feeling the most unvaluable person in the world right now, I think E made a huge mistake marrying me, that is the kind of thoughts that are in my mind right now.

Actually I think I may be a little (unbased) jealous, because we have this group mail and everybody makes such fun comments, and mine are so dull and un-fun, and there's a friend (girl) who is so cool, she works in an economic institute, writes very high-level letters in the newspaper, has an economy master, etc, and I think E could be much better with someone like her, who doesn't have this stupid complex-insecure thinking I have and all.

But if I tell him I'm jealous (I insist, he hasn't shown any signs that he might be interested in her, but objectively I think he would've been happier with someone like her), he feels bad (I did tell him last week) and stops participating and being nice to them, just because he doesn't want me to be sad, and he isn't that sociable, so I like he feels so comfortable with them and I don't want him to be "repressed" because of my stupid jealousy.

I think I'm not being very coherent or even realistic, but I really feel like crying right now, that's why I think I'm getting my period very very soon.

Another day

Thanks K. and Lorem for your advises, I think I'll wait until I get my period (as to be sure) and then I will go to the doctor to a "hormone check".

Well, of course in this roller coaster there are times and times. Yesterday I was convinced there was a problem with my progesterone levels, but now I'm thinking that maybe I could actually be pregnant, specially considering how unbearably tired I am today. Yes, I went out yesterday. Again.

Tuesday I had got together with a friend, and poor E waited for me at his office (we have only 1 car), because he indeed had a lot of work. We got home but he was a little "hiper-activated" so couldn't let me sleep (tickling, bugging, laughing, etc), so I think I managed to go to sleep way past 12, and yesterday I had a birthday (only girls, I'm becoming the worst wife in the world, leaving my husband alone 2 times a week, every week!), and got to sleep again past 12.

But I feel like I've been hit by a truck, really really exhausted, so that's why my hopes are up again. Also, no spotting today (yet, yesterday there was a bit in the afternoon, none in the morning). So well, I will keep you informed and thanks again!!

I got it: progesterone problems

You know I'm an hypocondriac. So I'm constantly worrying about possible illness I can have.

With this strange spotting thing, I couldn't come to a realistic "un-normalness", but suddenly it hit me. Once I took some anticonceptives pills that had too little progesterone. Result: spotting almost the whole cycle.

So now I though, maybe that's it: low progesterone levels. So I googgled it. And found it: "good and bad spotting". And it was there, very clear: implantation spotting does not last more than one day. Spotting for more than 1 day about a week before period means that possibly progesterone levels are low, and this can affect fertility AND can provoke early m/c.

I really started to panic, thinking that maybe for how long I've had these progesterone levels, and that maybe it could have saved me a lot of struggling!!!!

Well, I know I'm overreacting a little, I checked FF charts and there were a LOT with spotting for a couple of days, around the same time as mine, and that were followed by a + test. And also, the progesterone page said that if the spotting was re-current, then go and check with the doctor, and this is the first time it had happened to me.

Anyway, I'm not liking this spotting thing AT ALL, I admit many times I thought "I wish I could have that implantation spotting so many pages talk about, so I could know beforehand that I'm pregnant", it seems my prayers were heard, but not in the way I would've liked!! And the worst thing of all, spotting is still there, reminding me everytime (no, not everytime, but some times) I go to the bathroom that there's something really alarming there.

I can't understand why I keep having strange things nobody else does. I mean, people do have some spotting near their periods, and they result to be pregnant, but I've never met anyone with spotting "some" days before period. Then, people do have spotting early in their pregnancies, but most of the times they rest for a while and everything turns out ok. I couldn't manage to "not spot" for even 4 days!! (in the M/C I mean). It's like I'm dummed, always to have the f'ing spottting, sooner or later.

I'm sorry, I'm not feeling particularly cheerful right now, in fact I'm getting pretty aware that my mood is very PMS-like, which makes me in a worst mood even, so I think I'm in that "descendent spiral" or "vicious circle" that however you look at it, it gets worse and worse.

For the moment, I'm hoping 1) spotting stop ASAP, 2) (of course) I really turn out to be pregnant (I've even imagined that I'm expecting twins and that's why "implantation" has been so evident haha, poor ridiculous me) and 3) please that this doesn't mean I'm having hormone problems or (worse) that the stupid myoma is starting to get on my way!!!

Conclusion: I really don't have a bit of patience!!!

No further news, just anxious

Well, here I am, still thinking about that strange spotting, that actually continued a little yesterday evening, but not that much.

Thing is, as Lorem said, is like a myth. Some friends of mine did have some "fake periods", meaning they did have some brown spots, that lasted only a couple of days. But on my understanding, that happened when they were supposed to have their periods, not 1 week before!! That's the strangest thing of all. Because I haven't had any cramps for example, just my hiper-tender-breasts that is getting worse everyday (according to E, he can't touch me anymore because I'm all fragile right now hahaha). Actually I'm starting to get a little crampy today, maybe I'm really getting my period ahead of time and that's it.

Anyway, according to FF I should test a week from saturday! they're totally crazy I'm waiting that much!!!!! hahahaha....

FF: getting started

So as K suggested, I went on to find out what this FF page is about.

I was fascinated so I registered inmediately. But Oh my God! There's so much information to add!!! I started to get REALLY confused! Intercourse: I don't remember exactly, I only know we made our "homework" very accurately, but now I can't remember very well.

Then, symphtoms: I actually started having a lot of acné, or some pimples that are not very normal (some years ago maybe, but not for a while), but I don't remember when did they start to appear. Then, tender breast, I remember clearly they started to feel tender a lot before they usually do (PMS), but when exactly? I don't know!!

So I know I will have to be more alert to any signs and things, because I was hoping to find some answers, but instead now I have a LOT of new questions! HAHAHAHA...

Anyway, I find it amazing there's a site so complete, that's why you americans are way ahead of us, those things can't stop impressing me!!!

Will keep you informed!

TTC experts, please advise!!

I know most of you have been struggling with this whole TTC, so I know you've turned to Dr. Google, FF and a lot of pages as much as I've done.
So I need your advise! A while ago I went to pee, and oh surprise! my panties were "spotted"! you know, as when you're starting to have your period and weren't prepared!! It wasn't that much but it was definitively a brownish spot.
Thing is, I'm only 7DPO, or 6 maybe, and I've never ever had this type of desregulation on my cycle!!

So, of course, my first thought was: "oh my god, could it be the "implantation spotting" I've read about so many times?", so I started to freak out-smile-shake all at the same time. Freak out because of course Mrs. Hipocondriac thought "maybe I have something pretty serious, something like a tumor or that "miome" (I don't know the exact name for that) I had last year (who my doctor said was totally normal, no way it could interfere with pregnancy, just like a mole in importance) was falling down or making my hormones do strange things, etc.

But then again I thought that MAYBE, just MAYBE it could be the "famous" implantation spotting.

So of course I told E (we were eating pizza at a restaurant), and he went from esceptic to (I think) nervous and started with some strange nausea with pre-throwing-out symphtoms: totally de-compensated.

Please, please somebody tell me if you've had this kind of thing, because I'm really going to be SO nervous until next week when period day comes!

And to think I was so calm this month, not stressing a bit about TTC, enjoying so much and all, and then this. Of course I won't be able to take this spotting out of my mind (and well, if I do get my period, then I will definitively have to go to the doctor, because it's NOT NORMAL!).

I'll be expecting so anxiously your comments!!!


PD: Again I'm getting the message : you couldn't connect to blogger.com, I will have to forward this to my office!

Connection problems

I've been trying to publish this post since friday, but for some strange reason, there was no way I could connect to Blogger, so I hope today finally I can manage to do it!


For the last couple of days my life has been a little chaotic.

First, we finally decided to fire the sales man. In fact we already hired another sales person, also a relative (my dad's cousin, so you see, lots of nepotism in the company!! haha), but who has previous sales' experience.

Thing is, today was "firing-day". As I couldn't bring myself to tell him the bad news, we called the sales man to my uncle's office and he was the one to let it out "well, today it's your 3 month contract last day, and as your evaluation isnt' at all that good, we are not going to renew it". Totally concrete and direct. This man started to give a lot of explanations that almost convinced me, I swear . Even if I didn't like him, it was pretty awful to be there, and he made it worst, saying something like "ok, as from monday, I will see how I do it with my family" (as to say, I won't have money for them), very victim, but he anyway made me feel like the worst asshole (almost as Wal Mart's decision takers). But well, it's already over, and I'm really glad he won't be around anymore, but I even got a headache after all the tension.

Also, I've had a LOT of work these days, and with the "firing-session", the "hiring-session", and another meeting, time goes by so fast!

But I've got to read all your comments and I'm really dying to have Target here! I think Zara is a similar concept, with really nice clothes, but that can last a year. I hope Wal Mart never arrives here, it's awful to see what they do to their employees, and I can't understand how the government allows that!
\n \nI was wanting to talk about my friends, who I saw wednesday and thursday (school and university friends respectively, poor E I left him alone 2 days in a row), but I\'ll leave it for another post.\n\n \nOnly a final thought about friends: imagine you\'ve got a big problem that you can\'t tell your husband (wife) about, for example if you got in a huge fight with him/her and were desperate to talk to someone (this is purely hipothetic, I\'m not in a fight with E!!), who is your FIRST friend you think about to turn to (your top of mind)? I think that\'s one\'s real real best friend. I was thinking about that the other day, and I think I know who she is (only she\'s currently so busy that maybe I would think about it twice). Think about it, it\'s good to know that hahaha...\n\n \nSee you and thank you so much for your comments!!\n\n",0]
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I was wanting to talk about my friends, who I saw wednesday and thursday (school and university friends respectively, poor E I left him alone 2 days in a row), but I'll leave it for another post.

Only a final thought about friends: imagine you've got a big problem that you can't tell your husband (wife) about, for example if you got in a huge fight with him/her and were desperate to talk to someone (this is purely hipothetic, I'm not in a fight with E!!), who is your FIRST friend you think about to turn to (your top of mind)? I think that's one's real real best friend. I was thinking about that the other day, and I think I know who she is (only she's currently so busy that maybe I would think about it twice). Think about it, it's good to know that hahaha...

See you and thank you so much for your comments!!